Well, nothing really is going on right now so I don't know what to write. Well, actually there is one thing. I signed up for all my classes next quarter. For this Winter Quarter, I took into account everything disasterous that happened last winter quarter; staying late at the college, in the cold, getting caught in the sprinklers and battling sigma between my personal life.

So, in order to solve this I signed up for Intermediate Algebra as a night class...wait...okay, this time I have night classes on Monday and Wednesday, morning classes on Tuesday and Thursday, and no class on Friday. Very convenient for doctor's appointments that happen to be on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Today while staying late at the library, doing math at the handicapped computer table, there was an older woman sitting next to me, her two kids wandering around her and taking up two of the other handicap-accessible computers. The woman was talking on her cellphone, evidently to a man who was trying to convince her over, and over, and over to stay the night with him. She ever so politely and with a hint of guilt in her voice told him that he hasn't given her what she needs in a relationship. Then she got off the phone with him. A couple of minutes later, she called him back - she called HIM back - and told him not to call her again.

Bree needs to give that woman a lesson in getting rid of a guy.

The world has no bleeping perspective and it is crazy. One woman with two children patching up her life going to college is barely avoiding getting with another man, while another is so paranoid thinking she'll suffer the fate of the first that she'll villainize a crippled girly boy as an abusive predator. Talk about extremes!

This woman was talking on the phone practically the entire time she was in the library - and when I stepped out to talk to my mom, someone had their stuff on my computer station and her daughter moved onto the other one, informing me that "Oh...I'm sorry, they told me to hold this one for them..." First off, there are signs at the station that say no stools, no sitting at these tables, they're for wheelchair access. Second, these were someone's kids taking up the computers, not students themselves...I mean, c'mon. All politeness owed to the little kids, I bet they were having fun.

I don't know how I came to the conclusion, but I realized that pity, or sympathy at my circumstance these days really is nothing. (And I don't recall ever asking anyone to pity me anyway, I'm in a wheelchair and pity is a taboo.) What I really emotionally wish for sometimes is mercy, at the understanding of people that I'm just getting into my skin after all the regressive surgeries, and the hormone treatment being finished, and now being in my second year of college when I should probably be graduating. But...it's a moot question. Because if I have to beg for mercy from someone, if I have to explain exactly why I deserve it, I don't think the person is worth it. Especially to ask for it from someone who I thought was my best friend. I don't want to be stuck justifying myself for the rest of my life, and someday, I hope to lose the compulsion to, that Bree left me with.

I think the gift of understanding that it is mercy that I want, is that I can give it to other people. Mercy doesn't need a reason to be given, and it benefits both people involved. Like potatoes.

I am really in pain. And I took a quarter of a Norco earlier, all it made me feel like is vomiting...but my back, my hips, shoulder, neck, and arms, in painful tandem. Perhaps I am addicted, and I can't take the average aches.

^ See, there. I just complained. I'm not seeking pity or sympathy for the above statements! When you read something like that, if your first question is, "How am I supposed to react to this?" you're thinking the wrong way...what I say about me applies to me.

Common misconception; crying out in pain is always a cry for attention. This is not true, or I would not scream EVEN LOUDER at neuropathy pains when I'm alone in the house, when nobody can hear or judge me for it. In fact, I seek to express pain frequently without the unwanted reaction of other people...because I have learned suffering people bother healthy people.

One of the things you learn, being handicapped.